Researchers explore cultural sacrifices in intercultural relationships

A man downsizes his Día de los Muertos altar to make room for Halloween decorations. A woman decides not to teach her children Swahili so they can learn their father’s language instead. Another skips summer gatherings on the reservation to spend time with her husband’s family.

Such quiet compromises reflect the push and pull of love across cultures – an increasingly visible, yet under-explored, dynamic in modern romance, according to a recent University of Toronto study that examined what partners give up, adapt to or change to make these relationships work.

Published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, the study focuses on what researchers call “cultural sacrifices”: the negotiations, adjustments and trade-offs individuals make to navigate cultural differences in their intimate lives.

“All relationships require some kind of sacrifice, yet couples from different cultural backgrounds often have to make some compromises related to their cultural identities and upbringings,” says Hanieh Naeimi, a PhD student who led this research in collaboration with Emily Impett, a professor in the U of T Mississauga department of psychology and director of the Relationships and Well-Being Laboratory.

“We call these cultural sacrifices and we found nine distinct themes that they fall under, ranging from language, food and cultural practices to parenting, religion and gender roles.”

Naeimi and her team asked a sample of nearly 600 people in intercultural relationships from Canada, the United States and the United Kingdom to describe a sacrifice they had made regarding their cultural differences with their partners. The respondents – recruited through online crowdsourcing platforms that connect researchers with participants – were mostly female, white, in their 30s and either married or in serious relationships. 

Their stories show how cultural sacrifices can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships, but also to challenges and a sense of lost identity, says Naeimi. “Several respondents talked about the difficulties of acting as a translator for their partner when their families visited, or feeling left out of conversations at family events. On the other side of the language theme, some people talked about being with someone who speaks another language as a great opportunity to learn.”

Respondents also said that being exposed to new foods, cultural celebrations and religions could be rewarding, while navigating different gender role expectations or managing prejudice from a partner’s family could be stressful. “They wrote about how hard it is to experience any kind of racism or discrimination from within your family,” says Impett.

The researchers say there is societal value in this new, more nuanced understanding of cultural sacrifices and the benefits and drawbacks in intercultural relationships. “Cultural sacrifices can lead to the blending of cultures within families, which can create positive change in society,” Naeimi says. 

This knowledge also has practical applications for individuals, she says. “If couples therapists are aware of the specific types of cultural sacrifices that people make, they can help partners navigate the relationship complexities, for example. But this research is also just about getting people in intercultural relationships to see that they’re not alone in their experiences and offering some validation.”

Over the last two decades, Impett has done extensive research on the sacrifices people make for their partners, and she says she jumped at the chance to investigate this topic in the context of intercultural relationships. “Diverse populations have been understudied in many areas of research, including this one,” she says, adding that intercultural relationships have been marginalized and even criminalized throughout history.  

Looking ahead, Naeimi and Impett are interested in examining the factors that predict whether people experience cultural sacrifices as positive or negative. “We could consider the size of the sacrifices, for example, and whether the sacrifices are ongoing or just one-time,” says Naeimi.

Another potential next step, adds Impett, is exploring what determines people’s level of commitment to big cultural sacrifices. “Some of these sacrifices require sustained effort and dedication, and we’d like to better understand the motivations and context that influence whether people stick with them.”